This.

Click here!

^^^^^^^^




Holy crap.

I have a blog? Weird. It has been 4 (?) + months since my last one, life kinda got in the way.

And I had nothing to say besides depressing stuff.
Well here I am.
4 months later.
And I still have nothing but depressing stuff to talk about it.
Its been 4 months since a journal entry. And looking back, it helps me reflect on the past year.
Which sucked.

In case you hadn't figured it out, this year has been complete hell for me.
Which sucks. I had high expectations for this year, then they one by one they utterly collapsed.
The biggest one, for me, was the baseball season.

Junior year. We sucked. Sucked ass.
So, I took private coaching lessons over the off season to improve my game.
By the beginning of the season, my off season coach was really impressed by how far I had come.
I went into the season EXPECTING myself to go onto the mount and throw a no hitter every time I stepped foot onto the field.
Nothing less.
As for batting, I did so bad the previous season, I figured simply hitting ball would be an improvement. So the bar was set low.

Pitching wise, I felt super confident. I was ready to be the best player on the team.
Long story short, I injure my arm the third practice of the season. Not quite sure what happened, either a sprain or a strain, but pretty much it felt like my elbow was broken every time I threw the ball. Throwing a ball is kinda key if you want to pitch.
So I was out for a week. Couldn't do anything.
Injury didn't heal, I was out for another week. And for high school baseball, that's about 25% of the season right there. Senior year, folks, and I'm hurt.

And because of that, every other aspect of my game (fielding and hitting) went in the tubes.
So now my confidence level is an all time low, in during one of the toughest parts of the year.

At this point, I said "screw it, I'm throwing whether my arm hurts or not." So I pitched through the injury, and I sucked. Bad. Not being able to practice for 3 weeks really doesn't help.

That's some of what went on during the 4 months I was gone. :)




Now I don't know what to put. Part of me just wants to write out everything that's on my mind.
But then I realize that I haven't told anyone anything.

Perhaps I'll write EVERYTHING that's on my mind and save it as a draft, for future reference.






"Change left me alone,
I cannot remember when we lost control,
Now I have no one to save me from myself,
I'm so tired won't you take me, away?"

Away- Talisker Skye.

That song kept me up til 3 in the morning last night.
"Change left me alone."

I hate my life.
Well,
I mean I don't hate my life as much as I hate how I'm living my life.
I have the average American life, enough food, water, clothes, entertainment. I'm blessed. I just hate where my life is going.
In essence, I'm not exactly the biggest fan of myself.
Or what I'm doing.
Worst part is?
I have no motivation to change.
I'm just sitting here.
"I slowly die as the world goes by,"

"Change left me alone."



Ian Quote of the Day- "Have I mentioned how straight I am?"